Motherhood Didn’t Change My Ambition. It Changed My Systems.

Becoming a mother while running a business in travel and hospitality didn’t change my ambition. It did change my systems, my approach, and my awareness of invisible labor.

In the U.S., more than 40 percent of mothers are equal, primary, or sole income earners, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. At the same time, working mothers are also spending more time caring for their children than previous generations. Time-use research shows that mothers spend more than twice as much time on unpaid childcare and household labor as fathers (Gender Equity Policy Institute, Free-Time Gender Gap Report). On a global scale, unpaid care responsibilities keep 708 million women out of the labor force, according to the International Labour Organization.

The increased paid and unpaid work, along with the mental load, is real. So is the opportunity to curate support, protect identity, and design better systems at home and at work. Below are the lessons that mattered most to me in my first year of motherhood, the ones that actually changed how I operate.

Tips I Found Helpful in My First Year of Motherhood

As I’ve navigated these first twelve months, here are a few things that truly made a difference. These are the practical, the encouraging, and the “I wish someone told me this sooner” tips. Most of them are specific to new moms, but there are relevant nuggets for everyone.

1. Don’t be shy about asking for help. Especially with food. One of the best things we did was ask family to help make sure our fridge was stocked with fresh fruits and veggies before coming home from the hospital. Earlier in the month, we prepped soups and stocked our freezer with Trader Joe’s staples. Post-delivery, that’s exactly what I wanted. Simple, nourishing, already done.
   

2. Schedule a lactation consultant earlier than you think. General advice is to wait four to six weeks after delivery before starting pumping. But once I started, I ran into issues, and it took several more weeks to get things resolved. Depending on your insurance, approvals can take a while. Once I finally had the appointment, it turned out I had been using the wrong flange size, which made returning to work much harder than it needed to be.
   

3. Your body and your schedule will need grace. This year taught me that flexibility isn’t a luxury. It’s a requirement. Some days everything clicks, and other days you need to adjust. That reminder mattered when I started gradually running again, especially after being up at 3 a.m. during sleep training.
   

4. Take control of your inbox before baby arrives. Unsubscribe from random emails, newsletters, or anything that can turn your inbox into an avalanche when left untouched for weeks or months. Make a short list so you can easily re-subscribe once you’re back and ready to ramp up again. This is a tip you can use for any extended leave, including a sabbatical.
   

5. Make sure things are set before your planned start date of leave. I got sick about ten days before I planned to start my leave and spent that time in and out of the doctor’s office, unsure if I would deliver early. I’m grateful I had buttoned up the essentials sooner than I thought I’d need to.
   

For more tips, I also recommend Francesca Marcigliano’s piece on navigating new motherhood. She shares thoughtful advice about organizing your day, communicating your needs, and more.

Redefining Support and Resources

One big lesson from the last year was the importance of community. So many people reached out, shared words of wisdom, offered to help, or simply listened. That virtual village made me feel supported, especially as I navigated the early days and our new normal.

My advice to new moms is to actively cultivate what support looks like for you. That might include postpartum therapists, mom groups, podcasts, books, articles, or even Reddit threads.

A few resources helped me validate my feelings and name the tension more clearly. One book I found especially impactful was Marriage, Motherhood, and the Modern Dilemma. I first came across it through Ali on the Run’s Motherhood Mondays series. It validated so much of what I felt in the early days: the loss of ownership of time, the pressure to simultaneously maximize and enjoy every moment, and the importance of communication amid differences between new mothers and fathers. I even asked my husband to read it after I finished.

Another resource was an episode of The Smart Gets Paid Podcast featuring Sara Dean. Although it’s a conversation between two consultants, there are insights for all working mothers. They talk through navigating different phases of parenthood and the skills parenting gives you professionally, like figuring out what you can do if you only have 15 minutes between naps.

Sleep and Delegation

A lot of the advice I struggled with falls into two categories: sleep and delegation.

For every person who said to me, “sleep when the baby sleeps,” I wanted to reply, “So when am I supposed to eat, shower, or go to the bathroom?” I understood the idea. When you have those precious moments, rest instead of forcing yourself to do household tasks. But it didn’t translate well in practice.

When my son was three weeks old, he decided he didn’t want to sleep at night. My husband and I spent hours rocking him, walking the halls, and even driving around the neighborhood. That phase eventually passed, but regressions came and went, and I learned quickly that my time no longer belonged to me in the same way.

That’s when my coach, Joyce Shulman, said something that stuck with me: “Your son’s sleep is a gravity problem.” You can’t change gravity. You have to adapt around it. That reframing helped me ask for help elsewhere so I could still get things done regardless of whether he slept for 20 minutes or two hours.

Delegation required a similar mindset shift. I saw a lot of advice suggesting women simply delegate more to their partners. As the research shows women spend roughly twice as much time on unpaid childcare and household labor than men. Yet, I struggled with the concept of delegating tasks. But after a particularly stressful day of me trying to squeeze in errands between feedings and hurriedly assigning tasks to my husband on the way out the door, we sat down and talked about a better approach.

I trusted that my husband knew what needed to be done, or that he would rest if that’s what his body needed. We also learned you can’t assume the other person is a mind reader. The solution was increased communication around what would help most, including timing and context, not just the task itself.

What This Year Changed

Motherhood didn’t slow my ambition. It made me more operationally clear, more intentional, and more appreciative of the systems that support working women.

Invisible labor deserves acknowledgment. Partnership deserves clarity. Identity deserves protection.

In my next piece, I’ll share how these systems held up when I returned to work travel and began training again, on the road and at home.

Melissa Benhaim is Founder of Benhaim Public Relations, representing hotels, destinations, and travel brands across the U.S. and Caribbean to secure them media coverage in the outlets that matter to them most. A contributor to hertelier, she wrote Lessons from Latina Hospitality Leaders for Hispanic Heritage Month.