• Nancy Mendelson

Lost Yourself in Your Job?



Dear Nancy,


I’m not the president or the owner of the company, but I find myself so invested in the outcome of our work that I carry the stress with me 24 hours a day. Not because we are not doing well, we are wildly successful, but I cannot disconnect myself or my “self” from my work. Could use some advice!

Stressed in Denver



Dear Stressed in Denver,


Been there, so I completely understand how all-consuming work can become, and one size does not fit all when it comes to the reasons for being so invested; but before we unpack your situation….

Let me just say how incredibly cool it is that you are the first MAN to write in—your name, which will remain anonymous, was a dead giveaway. So, thanks for supporting hertelier and being a trailblazer!!! And by the way, you can disconnect yourself! It’s a process and you’ve already taken the first step by asking for advice.


Next, I ask you to consider whether…

  • This is the first time you have ever felt so invested in a job, or this is your “M. O.”

  • The past-year’s pandemic has caused you to reevaluate your priorities.

  • You feel this all-consuming investment is an expectation, either by the company, or your boss.

  • The work environment is so competitive you feel you continually need to prove yourself.

  • You’re burying yourself in your work to avoid something difficult.

  • You are overcompensating for the fact you are no longer happy doing what you’re doing and want to make a change.

My point in asking you to consider the above reasons—and any more you can think of—is to help you find a way to get to the truth about why your own behavior is causing you so much stress. The company will go on with or without your extreme vigilance, so PLEASE focus on the outcome you want for yourself or your “self”. Hope this helps.