He Said Whattt? Snappy Comments For Sexist Bullsh*t (Revisited)

Like all of our hertelier content, we never know which topics will resonate in real time…or over time, which is why we frequently check our archives to see what’s moving the needle. When I first Unpacked the topic, Sexist Comments and offered up some snappy responses just about a year ago, the column did OK, but over the past few months, it has exploded. https://www.hertelier.com/post/sexist-comments-snappy-responses 

With more and more women speaking up, being interrupted, and still expected to stay silent, it’s no surprise it’s been gaining traction. Sadly, the need for snappy comebacks, and deeper systemic change, is more relevant than ever.

While sexism in the workplace isn’t new, what is new is that more women have stopped pretending we don’t hear it. Oh, we hear it. We smile tightly. We raise an eyebrow. And sometimes, we respond with the kind of comments that makes HR shift nervously in their ergonomic chairs.

In my original column, we highlighted a Lean In tool called “Hear That? Say This”, a list of ways to respond to biased reactions toward women candidates. It got me thinking, what about the biased comments we all hear every damn day? The so-called “ordinary” sexism, the eye-roll-inducing remarks, the WTAF jokes?

According to the recruiting organization Randstad, “Ordinary sexism is a recurring obstacle to the recognition and advancement of women in the workplace.” And if you’ve ever sat through a meeting where your ideas were ignored until a man repeated them louder, you know exactly what they mean.

Their piece, How to Stop Sexism in the Workplace, outlines what these microaggressions look like…

Inappropriate humor: Also known as “It was just a joke!” (Spoiler alert: It wasn’t funny in the 80s either.)

Generational shade: Usually starting with “Back in my day…” and ending in irrelevance.

Marginalization: Subtle exclusion via eye-rolls, assumptions, or being the only woman not invited to the real meeting on the golf course.

Belittlement: That moment when your idea gets “tweaked” by a man and suddenly becomes genius.

Mansplaining: Like gaslighting, but with charts.

Inappropriate comments: Because apparently, some people still think women come to work hoping for feedback on their outfits.  

Misogyny in disguise: See also: “Feminism isn’t necessary anymore.”

Biased questioning: “Are you sure you want that promotion, with kids and all?”

Randstad’s suggestions are thoughtful, important, and, let’s be honest, not always easy in the moment. But they’re worth practicing…

* Ask… “What do you mean by that?” (Translation: I dare you to explain yourself.)

* Refuse to laugh it off. Silence is often mistaken for agreement.

* Speak up for others. Especially if they’ve been cornered.

* Push for policy. HR isn’t just for onboarding.

* Call out double standards. Because women get “bossy” while men get “decisive.”

* Own your offense. You’re allowed to say, “That’s not okay.”

And when you’re not in the mood to be diplomatic? Here’s a recap of Reddit-approved responses from last year, updated with some personal snark from me.  Would love your person spin on these snappy comebacks, so please share!

 “What an odd thing to say out loud,” …your internal filter must need changing.

“You don’t know any women, do you?” …and if you do, I hope they stage an intervention.

 “It really ages you when you say things like that,” …much like your AOL email address.

“Did you just say that intrusive thought out loud?” …we all have them. Most of us don’t say them, just sayin’!

“Would you say that to your mom/sister/daughter?” …because if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I’d still make less than you.”

 “How do you expect me to respond to that comment?” …. I’m genuinely curious.

“Your insecurities and misogyny are showing,” …might want to tuck those back in.

I’ve had my moments of silence. And my moments of losing my sh*t. But what I strive for nowadays is something in between…clarity. With maybe just enough snark to get the message across. Because, while change takes time, awareness is immediate. And sometimes, the right one-liner can be the first crack in someone’s very outdated foundation.