Nice, But Not Respected: How Hidden Workplace Networks Hold Women Back

You’re well-liked, get invited to lunch and drinks out. But when it comes to strategy sessions or getting considered for that plum project, you’re nowhere. Sound familiar?

According to new research by Dr. Raina Brands and Dr. Martin Kilduff, professors at UCL School of Management, you might be caught in what they call a dissonant tie—a work relationship that reflects mixed feelings (like liking someone but not respecting them), and one that quietly reinforces gender stereotypes. These ties don’t just shape opinions. They can stall women’s careers. Maybe they’re already affecting yours. Let’s explain.

The Stereotype Trap You Didn’t See Coming

The theory, called multiplex jeopardy, explores what happens when our workplace relationships send mixed signals. Maybe someone likes you personally but doesn’t respect your skills (like–disrespect). Or maybe they respect your work but dislike you as a person (dislike–respect). These mixed-signal relationships are called dissonant ties.

For women, these ties are especially damaging because they map neatly onto gender stereotypes. As Brands and Kilduff explain, “The like–disrespect tie overlaps with perceptions of women as warm but incompetent... The dislike–respect tie overlaps with perceptions of women as cold but competent.” Either way, these dynamics don’t just reflect bias, they amplify it.

“Workplace networks act like emotional echo chambers. Once a bias takes root, it spreads—especially for women.” — Dr. Raina Brands & Dr. Martin Kilduff

This research is theoretical, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t grounded in reality. Dr. Brands notes on Linkedin the idea was inspired by friends, colleagues, and even her own experiences: the woman who was mentored in private but never championed in public, or the colleague whose “work bestie” got promoted and never looked back. “Relationships that may have felt positive—even supportive—to women can undermine them in the workplace,” Brands writes. “Dissonant ties don’t just harm women in the moment: they distort how others see them, block access to support, and reinforce the very network inequalities we’re trying to dismantle.”

Multiplex jeopardy gives language to what many women already know—that some relationships may seem supportive, but quietly block progress.

When Gossip Becomes a Gatekeeper

Even worse? These perceptions don’t stay contained. Research shows that workplace networks act like emotional echo chambers. If someone sees you as “great with people but not strategic,” that impression spreads. In close-knit teams, these reputations multiply fast. They can even reach colleagues you barely know.

That means even if you’ve never worked with someone directly, they may already have a stereotype-influenced read on you. You could miss out on critical feedback, be passed over for leadership roles, or simply be excluded from key conversations, and never know why.

The Reputation Trap That Silently Spreads

Once this starts, it can be tough to escape. Passive harm—like being liked but not included—builds over time. Active harm—like being undermined or labeled “difficult”—can sabotage promotions or derail sponsorship.

And here's the kicker: men are less likely to suffer the same consequences. Why? Because stereotypes tend to shield men (they’re “expected” to be competent) and punish women for not fitting the warmth script. The result is a self-reinforcing cycle where women’s networks offer fewer returns, and fewer chances to break out.

What You Can Do

First, recognize the signs: Are you often described as “nice” but not taken seriously? Or praised for being “sharp” but seen as unapproachable? That’s a clue.

Then, strategically shift the narrative:

• Make your accomplishments more visible—especially in rooms where you're not present.

  
  

• Balance competence with connection. You don’t need to perform “warmth.” You can share your thought process, invite collaboration, or simply follow up more openly.

  
  

• Seek out high-quality ties beyond your immediate circle. The more diverse your network, the harder it is for any one narrative to dominate.

  
  

Be the Disruptor

If you're in a position to support others, look out for these dynamics in your team. Are certain women being excluded from strategy convos but included on culture committees? Is someone always praised for being a “rock star,” but not “leadership material”?

Speak up. Challenge the narrative. Sponsor with intention. Share credit and visibility. Being liked shouldn’t come at the cost of being respected.

Speak up. Challenge the narrative. Sponsor with intention. Share credit and visibility. Being liked shouldn’t come at the cost of being respected.

And thanks to this powerful research from Dr. Raina Brands and Dr. Martin Kilduff, we now have language for what’s been quietly holding women back. And better yet? We have a path to push forward.