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How to Be Your Own Best Friend

If you’ve ever been told that you were your own, worst enemy and wondered what to do about it, you might consider flipping the script. Think about being your own best friend instead and see how that works as a motivator to change self-sabotaging behavior. Feels like a more positive approach to a negative mind set! 


Nancy Mendelson hertelier

Only recently I had the thought, “I’d love to have me for a friend,” a very big deal, given the way I used to talk to myself; so mean, so nasty, I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy the way I was treating myself. 


 “Most of us are not familiar with the concept of being a good friend to yourself,” writes Celal Aydemir, MA, LPC for The Therapist Group “Being your own best friend means non-judgmentally listening to yourself, validating your emotions and motivations for doing what you’ve done. It is about accepting both your truth and your inability to fully accept it.”


“Being a friend to yourself is no different than being a friend to others and yet it feels so much harder,” shares licensed psychotherapist and author, Sharon Martin DSW, LCSW for Psychology Today  “Almost daily, I hear from people who want to be kinder to themselves; they want to learn how to give themselves the unconditional love, support, and acceptance that they give to their friends and family.”


Even the most seemingly successful and “together” among us can lapse into self -sabotaging behaviors from fear of failure, low self-esteem, cognitive dissonance, difficulty/discomfort with change, anxiety, and a need for control. But just imagine if you had an inner BFF who you could rely on and who had your best interest at heart 24/7!  


nancy mendelson hertelier

You can! And Sharon Martin tells us how:  


  1. Accept yourself unconditionally. A good friend accepts you for who you are, notices your best qualities, and doesn’t compare you to others. 

  2. Get to know yourself. How well do you really know yourself? In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to lose track of what matters to you and what you like to do. 

  3. Do nice things for yourself. Friends help each other out when they’re struggling, and they do nice things to brighten their day or ease their load. 

  4. Set boundaries. Boundaries are also a form of self-care. Without boundaries, we run the risk of overextending ourselves, getting burnt out, feeling resentful, and letting people treat us poorly. 


Adding yourself as one of your valued friends can and will make you an even better friend to them!  


BIG THANKS to my friends who saw in me what I am now seeing in myself!

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