Princess Treatment or Red Flag? Unpacking a Viral Trend

A man opens the car door for his wife. Another pays for her nail appointment. A boyfriend remembers to bring flowers… just because. Sweet gestures, right? But are they evidence of loving partnership… or are we slipping backward into outdated gender roles?

Welcome to the latest debate on  the “princess treatment.”

This isn’t just social media fluff,  the concept has made its way to the pages of The New York Times prompting heated conversation about what women want in relationships, what they should expect, and why all of this matters now. So, let’s unpack it.

The phrase “princess treatment” conjures images of pampering and reverence. At its best, it’s about thoughtfulness, care, and mutual respect. At its worst, it can veer into control, infantilization, and a reassertion of 1950s values dressed up in 2020s aesthetics.

The recent firestorm began with a viral video by Courtney Palmer, in which she explained that she doesn’t talk to the hostess, open doors, or order food when dining out with her husband. To her, this is a “gentle way of living” that allows her partner to lead.

Cue the outrage, the applause, and the parodies!

Some, like satirist Meredith Lynch, called the video “regressive.” Others saw it as empowering. For many women, particularly those navigating the pressures of modern “girlboss” culture, Palmer’s brand of soft femininity felt like a welcome exhale.

But here’s the thing: Why is this such a flashpoint? And, given the state of the union (pun intended), why does this deserve space in the New York Times? 

 Because beneath the door-opening and shoe-tying lies something deeper: We are in a cultural moment of redefinition…of gender roles, power dynamics, and how love is expressed and received. And like so many other issues right now, we’re seeing the clash between progress and nostalgia. Between feminism and fantasy. Between autonomy and affection.

Some view princess treatment as a harmless way to express care. Others see it as a slippery slope toward silence, asking women to shrink in exchange for being “treated well.”Even more complicated? The tension between expecting love to look like this and earning it through mutual effort. When a man buys flowers, is it romance… or is it the bare minimum?

Maybe that’s what’s really going on: We’re renegotiating the contract. Not just between women and men, but between women and themselves. Between what we’ve been taught to want, and what we now feel empowered to ask for.

As therapist Amanda White notes, there’s risk in building relationships on performances instead of presence. True connection requires being fully known…not playing small or leaning into archetypes, however sweet they might seem.

So is “princess treatment” inherently good or bad? That’s not the right question.

The better question is: Does it serve you? Does it support your voice or stifle it? Is it a reciprocal act of care… or a disguise for control?If you like to be pampered, own it. If you prefer to split the check, do that. But let’s not confuse preference with progress, or comfort with compromise.

Because in the end, the real fairytale isn’t about being treated like a princess…it’s about knowing your worth, with or without the crown.