From Self-Worth to Net-Worth: Turning What You Deserve Into What You Earn

Throughout my life, people have told me I bring great value… though it’s taken me time to understand what that really means. And while I believe that’s true, what’s also true? I haven’t always been paid what I’m worth. Not even close.

It’s a pattern that spans industries, generations, and zip codes. From corporate corner offices to home-based startups, from hospitality to hospitals, women are doing extraordinary work and still settling for less than we deserve. Not because we don’t "know" our worth, but because something keeps getting lost in translation between knowing and asking.

The Gratitude Discount

We’ve been raised (subtly and not so subtly) to be grateful for opportunity. To smile, say thank you, and make it work. Gratitude is beautiful… it’s grounding and generous. But when gratitude becomes a substitute for self-worth, it turns into a discount.

How many times have you thought, “I should just be grateful they chose me,” instead of, “They’re lucky they found me”?

The Invisible Invoice

So much of what we bring to the table can’t be measured: empathy, intuition, emotional labor, grace under pressure, the ability to turn chaos into calm. The problem is, we don’t bill for any of that. We itemize deliverables, not the countless moments of steady presence, late-night rethinking, or quiet emotional holding that make everything work better.

If we could send an invoice for that invisible labor, it would read: For everything I do that you don’t realize I’m doing: $Priceless!

The Fear of the Ask

Even when we do know our worth, saying it out loud can feel like walking a tightrope. We worry about being called difficult, greedy, or ungrateful. We soften our numbers, add disclaimers, or rush to fill the silence after naming our price.

We tell ourselves stories: “They can’t afford it.” “I don’t want to lose the opportunity.” “Maybe next time.” But every time we say yes-to-less, we quietly teach others, and ourselves, that we’ll take it.

The Reframe

Here’s the truth I’m finally learning; being paid what you’re worth isn’t about convincing others of your value. It’s about embodying it so fully that you no longer negotiate with your own self-respect.

It’s about aligning what you give with what you receive.  Understanding that compensation isn’t just money… it’s energy, exchange, and acknowledgment. When that’s out of balance, we feel depleted. When it’s aligned, we feel empowered.

The Collective Lift

When one woman raises her rate, she raises the standard for all of us. When one woman stops apologizing for her worth, she gives the next woman permission to do the same. This isn’t selfish … it’s systemic healing.

So maybe, “getting paid what you’re worth” isn’t just a financial milestone. Maybe it’s an existential one:  the moment you decide to stop negotiating your value with anyone but yourself.